Memoirs of a Stay at Home Mom…Imperfection


Early mornings have never been my “thing”. So when my two boys rise before 9am my body completely goes into monster mode. After a few unnecessary bursts of anger and prayers for patience, momma is up and dragging herself into the start of her day. Im not sure how other households work first thing in the morning but I know for us, especially school days, mornings are a four letter word. First begins the arguments of breakfast, clothes, or who is making it to the hallway bathroom first. My oldest thankfully wears a uniform to school but the 3 year old gets a choice for preschool. Then its on to the babies(girls). What to dress them in, how is the weather, and whose diaper is worse?? Very rarely do we make it to school on time. Try as I do to get them all wrangled and out the door on time, it never quite works that way. Mornings as hectic as they are do gear me up for an adventurous day. Most of the time it leads to me and the girls running errands, going to check ups, cleaning, and rarely RELAXING.  Our crazy moments mostly involve the boys being home. Four children versus mommy can be a nightmare!

Oh! I forgot to mention the most vital part of my existence missing…my husband. He is stationed in Germany and has entrusted me with the house, kids, pets, and finances. OH how God has given him the trust and patience of a saint! Never could I be so trusting. Nevertheless, it is me he leaves these precious responsibilities to tend to.

You know, for years I have attempted to be the “perfect” stay at home mom. However, if you walk into my house or even pass me in the store, you will see that my aura screams chaos and whimpers of “please God please get me through just this next hour.” For some reason, I think most moms feel this way too. None of us are perfect. Those fortunate enough to have OCD to keep their houses in order should REALLY learn how to “infect” the rest of us. My biggest challenge is organization. Well and I despise cleaning with all my heart and soul! I enjoy a clean house just as much as anyone, however, I would prefer to not be the one doing it. Why am I a stay at home mom then? Well, look at the title..MOM! I have plenty other titles that fit under that besides for housekeeper. I adore playing with my children, watching them learn, and being here for EVERY developmental milestone! I like knowing just what my kids are doing and learning. Yes I would LOVE to have the patience and organization skills to homeschool. Although I don’t think God is ready for me to do that yet, well its either him or my hubby. Learning to let go of the idea of perfection is the hardest part of being a stay at home mom. It completely trumps everything else. As I sit here late in the evening/early morning, I think of the mounds of laundry still haunting me, the dishwasher that needs emptying, the floors that need vacuumed, and the endless list of things that just MUST be done in order to move up on the list of perfection.

My life will never be perfect. My home will NEVER be spotless. I have 4 children and no help! I enjoy every part of my chaos but just remember…If you are sitting at home and thinking “there has to be SOME program/book/club/etc that can transform me into a PERFECT stay at home mom” well its just not so. Enjoy being a mom and then pick up the pieces of life along the way.

And on to Another Journey


As I struggle with a family of 3, being pregnant, AND being a military spouse, I now am on the journey to FOUR children on top of it all! I have yet to find a “routine” for cleaning that has worked for more than a few hours. YEP thats right a mere few hours! I cannot seem to keep myself motivated! Let alone my children who I feel are a correct age to be doing age appropriate chores. So now that this journey absolutely HAS to begin I figured I would let you in on what it is I am going to try. I failed terribly at FlyLady which I never really was a fan of in the first place, although I know it has been a miracle worker for many many women. I also attempted the Home Management Binder which was more successful than anything.

Yet, here I find myself buried in clothes, dishes, and miscellaneous items. Hoping to figure something out that can keep me from the MASS weekend cleanups!











Also, since I am organizing anyways and I absolutely LOVE couponing (yes my darling husband I used it as a verb!)..I will be sharing what I find to be the best deals going on in my area and just how it is I go about saving WITHOUT spending ALL my time clipping coupons.











Hope you enjoy the new journey and the continuation of my blog.

Wow…Its been ages!


Well 6 months later…and here we are. So sorry I have not blogged in so long. We have had a very very hectic last 6 months. Im not even able to write about all of it now🙂. I wanted to let you know that we are all still alive. Also the Lord works in mysterious ways. Here we are 6 months later…and besides for having beautiful growing children. I am not sure how I have grown. I do know that I am madly in love with my children and my husband. Im also working on my faith and dedication to the Lord. So this is just a simple post. I plan on writing a more organized post soon. Thanks as always for reading🙂

Finally over…


Well I finally had our darling princess on Sunday Sept. 5th 2010, at 10:42 pm. Life threw a curve ball at me with this little drama queen though. Since 33 weeks pregnant I have been struggling with “preterm labor”, contractions, full blown soreness, pre-eclampsia scare, and now…I had to be induced for…YEP pre-eclampsia. I went in on sunday because I thought my water had been leaking and I was running a fever, which made me fear infection. Much to my surprise it was not my water that had caused issues it was the dreadful pre eclampsia showing up finally. So at 630pm I get told that Im going to be induced and have my baby soon. I went in at 4cm, 90% effaced, and station -2. By time my friend Nicole made it to the hospital after getting the kiddos to their grandmas I was still 4cm but they were starting ONLY a small dose of pitocin as I was already having contractions. Not long after that I was 6 cm and then asked for an epidural as the pain and high blood pressure was too much for me to handle. After getting the epidural I opened to 7 and asked the doc to break my water as I knew it would be only a matter of minutes after that. Which I was right it was about 15 minutes after breaking my water that I could feel her head coming down the birth canal. This was it I was soon going to meet my princess. I breathed through 2 contractions and out came her head then a tiny push and there she was! They laid her on my belly and both of us wept. My glorious little angel that I had tried to reason with for so many weeks had finally made it into the world in her very own way. I nursed her quickly and then things turned. She stopped breathing and turned purple. They tried to get her to respond but had to give her oxygen. Thankfully they allowed me to give her a kiss before taking her off to NICU. Once I was cleaned up and able to plop into a wheel chair they took me to see her. She was doing ok but not ideal. I tried to nurse her again but only to watch her forget to breathe again. This happened only a few more times. Monday morning at 5am would be her last time having a breathing episode. My darling girl was allowed back in my room monday night🙂. Tuesday night they were going to release us but I had started having high blood pressure again and was kept over night to see how some medication would help. It helped me so we were released wednesday morning.

Even though my plan was to birth at home unassisted for so many many months I am very happy with my birthing experience even though there was medical intervention. My case was one of many where mothers and babies TRULY need doctors and medicine. If I had been stubborn and not listened to what my body was telling me we could both be very very sick and possibly I could have lost my daughter. Im so very thankful that God gave me great instincts and has taught me to listen to my body very attentively.

Here we are nursing for the first time after birth…

What is “preterm labor” REALLY??


After 4 weeks of what doctors like to call preterm labor…My body has calmed down and my darling princess has nestled in for a little bit longer. Now as I look back on our trecherous “adventures” that we went through the last four weeks I wonder if any of it was necessary?? She is in posterior position. Which both of my boys were as well. Well im wondering if this “preterm labor” these doctors freak about and then my children decide to wait til full term, is JUST preparation. Posterior labors are often known to be much more strenuous and long. Perhaps my body just gets an early start so I do not have to do all the work at once? This is what I think is happening. I do not feel that any of the medication was really necessary now that I look back on it. However, in the moment I was scared for my darling tiny baby. Im so glad that contractions have slowed down and nearly stopped. I only have a few belly tightening cramps now, which is much easier to deal with.

Now as my darling daughter and I go into our next phase of not waiting but preparing for our wonderful meeting, Im so entrigued to meet her and have that journey together called “labor”. I think that birth should be renamed. The word labor definitely has a negative connotation I think. But anyways. My visions of an unassisted homebirth become clear once again. I envision birthing her late in the evening after R has already been moved from his bed to mine. Dealing calmly and peacefully with every contraction there on the bed beside my peacefully sleeping boy until I feel the need to throw up which tells me Im in transition. Then to birth her over a blanket placed on the floor next to the bed. Followed by checking her and I over in the bath and washing off. Then returning to bed to nurse her back to sleep. Ideally never waking R. I know this is probably NOT going to happen in this way but it is very very nice to dream about😀. The next few weeks will be spent getting everything in order for her and my family. My house needs some serious recovery from 4 weeks of bedrest/labor. Plus I need to get my van running again and car seats all installed. Lots to do and glad she is being ever so patient now. Hoping to, no GOING to enjoy the next few weeks patiently waiting to meet my wonderful princess!